Today was not bad. After a breakthrough last night my stress and anxiety levels where considerably lower when I went into work.
I felt a lot more able to engage and was able to talk and joke around with some colleagues. I got some mundane bits of work done and out of the way and was feeling pretty good.
I was chatting to a few people online at the same time. Mostly about games stuff, arranging matches talking about hobby – that kind of thing. I noticed myself feeling quite happy and noted the contrast to where I had been only days before.
Then my brain took a cheap shot:
On a bit of a high are you? Running around chatting at people online and off are you? Yesterday you started the day in a pit of despair. Today you are manic. You Sir, have bipolar disorder.
I recognised the critical thought for what it was. I noted it, and moved on from it. I ignored the urge to start researching bipolar and how mania is defined.
The thought actually tried to sneak in while I was typing something to a good friend. I actually told him straight away that I had spotted it.
It was really cool to be able to actually recognise the thought for what it was. My brain wasn’t going to let me just have a better day without some kind of catastrophizing. Through mindfulness and self-compassion I was able to not give the thought time and hurt myself by plunging into a thought storm, researching and clinical self diagnosis.
I feel it’s noteworthy because I am certain that only days before I would have spent the rest of my day diagnosing and analysing.