That’s not really true. But it kind of feels like it. “I’m coping with my brain!” didn’t quite express what I want to get across.
I had a psych appointment this week. I left without booking another for the first time since realising I needed help all those months ago. I will probably go back some time early next year but it will be for maintenance not for triage.
I’ve had my ‘lightbulb’ moments now. Thrice. Once with medication and twice with mindfullness, meditation and ACT/CBT type things.
When I adjusted my medicine dose I quite quickly noticed it doing it’s job. Providing a barrier or a shield that gives me the space to use other techniques to counter anxiety and depression.
Early on I learned to calm the thunder of a noisey mind and quieten the thought storms that gave me so little peace and rest and fuelled my anxiety – though meditation and mindful practice.
Most recently I’ve found the missing connection to self-compassion and brushed away the last few cognitive distortions that were stopping me living the way I want to.
It hasn’t all been sunshine and lightbulbs. I recently experienced and really suffered through a pretty major anxiety incident. It hit me pretty deep and made me feel like I had undone any success and was a complete failure.
I managed to isolate this event as a single moment in time that is now gone. I discussed it with my psych and we learned what we could from it and moved on. The insight I’ve gained in being able to not dwell and over analyse is what has helped me move on.
Whilst on leave recently I decided to focus my energy applying mindfullness to eating and drinking. I’m now 5kgs lighter than my recent heaviest and still moving slowly and steadily towards my goals.
I’ve learned when to apply interventions on negative thoughts and generally walk around as a more pleasant, brighter person.
I’ve been sharing what I have learned with people and I find it massively rewarding. I’ve made new friends through reaching out and being kind and enriched my relationship with people I already knew.
I believe in kindness. To ourselves and to each other. If the world where kinder we could all suffer less.
Don’t get me wrong – I will always be an anxious person and I will always think too much. I won’t turn into a confident extrovert. None of this is about eliminating some of the things that actually make us who we are.
I strongly believe that a few simple adjustments to the way we process the world and what we put out there can make our lives better. You don’t have to be ‘mentally ill’ to benefit. Modern life places such stresses and demands on us that everyone could use a bit of relief.
I know there will roadblocks and that sometimes things will get hard again but I feel equipped to get through it.
My belief in what I have learned and the realisations I’ve had is so strong I think this is the area I want to work in. My job has always been about helping people and I stongly feel this is a place I could be doing the most good.
I don’t know how this will happen or when. I’m cultivating patience and letting this unfold naturally. It’s exciting to see where it goes.
I will keep writing to you and sharing with you. I am hoping this can take the form of some more details and some practical examples of what has helped.
I’ll end thanking you all once again. I am truely blessed to know some wonderful caring and kind people. The support you have all given has kept me going and I honestly wouldn’t be in this place without you. I value the connections we have made and hope that somehow my journey so far has been of some help to you.