How are we all?
I am doing pretty well. I though I’d share a little observation with you all about what doing well and feeling better is like for me.
I jokingly wrote you all about being ‘cured’ the other day. I wanted to explain a bit more about what that is like.
It’s weird, I suffer social anxiety but also thrive in the right kinds of social interaction. I can have near crippling anxiety about going out somewhere but also love talking to and interacting with a big group of people.
I like telling stories, and anecdotes and making people laugh. It feels really good to be able to engage people and have them listen and make them laugh. I really enjoy the energy of that kind of interaction.
But my brain is always taking cheap shots at me. Sly little digs right when I think I am doing ok. It will tell me things like “they are laughing at you, not with you” or “you are boring people”. It happened to me last night, the doubt crept in and tried to turn me from being outgoing to withdrawn.
Feeling better doesn’t stop the negative brain cooking up these little digs but it does allow me to recognise them. I’ve probably over analysed last night which is a sign of over thinking but I wanted to explore what was going on. Sometimes the negative thoughts will shut me up and I will have days of anxiety thinking that I embarrassed myself. Even thinking about that now is causing some mild to medium anxiety as I write!
You really can’t give these thoughts any time. They start a cycle and lead to a bad place. It’s very strange that even an exploration of them to write this to you can cause some of the symptoms!
The moment of recognition where you can make an intervention is so important. When I recognise a thought from the negative brain I tell myself “this is a thought, not a fact” and let it pass. I allow myself to trust my instincts. Do people look interested? Do the laughs seem genuine? Well stop telling yourself otherwise negative brain!
I hope in the future the negative thoughts can be trained away but for now being able to recognise them and discard them is pretty great.